Originally cross-posted at Alternet
Senators Reid, Schumer and Menendez have released a conceptual framework for immigration reform. Some thoughts:
1) “Conceptual Proposal” is the title of the document. That’s cool, I guess. Concepts are good. Bills are better.
2) Reid, Schumer, Menendez. One of these things is not like the other… False. They’re all Democrats. There’s no Republican involvement here. No Republican, no bill. Period. (Democrat-only bills most definitely do not count as viable possibilities…)
3) “Securing the border before taking any action.” Well, THIS is new.
4) “Increased the number of ICE agents… increase enforcement… increase inspection… increase fraud detection… ”
5) “Further fortification of America’s Border Enforcement Capability” The word fortification makes me think about the medieval ages. Maybe we should dig a moat around the continental United States. And launch cannonballs, and buckets of boiling water. And then we can shoot flaming arrows.
Also, “ground sensors”? Why don’t we just kick it up a notch and put landmines, so that there’s no debate about the fact that we have a militarized border?
6) “increases in the number of sport utility vehicles, helicopters, power boats, river boats…” This is like Oprah does DHS: Everybody gets a car!
7) “They will also be equipped with weapons, including non-lethal intermediate force weapons, that are reliable and effective to protect themselves, their fellow agents, and innocent third parties from the threats posed in the line of duty.” In Arizona, the wrong color skin is a threat, so thanks, but no thanks.
“Indian tribes that have been adversely affected by illegal immigration will be reimbursed for law enforcement activities and restoration of areas damaged by illegal immigration.” WOW! We’re reimbursing Native Americans for having massacred their ancestors and driving them, over the course of hundreds of years, off their native lands and into reservations? This is one progressive bill, folks! Hold on- I’m getting a call…ah…I see… so… okay… Never mind.
9) “No detainee shall be transferred from his/her area of apprehension until arrangements have been made for the detainee’s children, and the government has given due consideration to the best interest of the child in decisions concerning detention, release or transfer of a parent.” Props where props are due.
10) “Existing enforcement laws will be reformed to become more efficient and effective.” This act is getting tired. Seriously and for real.
11) “The government will require any state or local entity that participates in the 287(g) program to collect and maintain such records and data as are reasonably necessary.” We’re keeping 287g!?
12) “Ending illegal employment through biometric employment verification” They actually want us to BELIEVE in Biometric Enrollment Locally-stored Information Electronic Verification of Employment. Orwell, are you rolling in your grave yet?
13) “A green card will be immediately available to foreign students with an advanced degree from a United States institution of higher education in a field of science, technology, engineering, or mathematics…foreign students will be permitted to enter the United States with immigrant intent if they are a bona fide student so long as they pursue a full course of study at an institution of higher education in a field of science, technology, engineering, or mathematics…” Welcome to the United States of Technocracy. We have no use for humanities, social science, or the arts. No use for the future Isabel Allendes, Dan Akroyds, Mikhail Baryshnikovs, Elaine Chaos, Madeleine Albrights, and Isaac Asimovs. I mean, let’s be real. Their contributions to society are negligible.
14) “It will amend current law regarding H-1B employer application requirements…” Let’s cut through the jargon. Limits their availability, harder to get.
15) AgJobs! I’ve got an idea… since it’s all marked up and ready to go, why don’t we just pass it now? Yes? Maybe? No? Wait? Sigh…
16) “This proposal also authorizes the creation of the Commission on Employment-Based Immigration… The Commission shall have the power to declare an emergency in the immigration system.” EXCUSE ME, I HAVE AN EMERGENCY! There are a bajillion (actual statistic) qualified college graduates who are ready and willing to work but they’re not allowed! They…what? “An emergency shall consist of a situation in which America’s employment-based immigration system is either substantially failing to admit a sufficient number of workers for the needs of the American economy or is substantially admitting too many foreign workers, leading to significant job displacement…” Y’all should listen to Bill. Bill is cool.
17) “Mandatory registration, acceptance of responsibility, and administration of punishment for unauthorized aliens presently in the United States.” You know what’s crazy? I think the Union treated the Confederacy with more sympathy after the Civil War was over. And those were the people responsible for actual crimes- like slavery.
18) And now, the final act, what we’ve all been waiting for: “In Phase 1, eligible applicants, including individuals on Temporary Protected Status and other statuses designated by the Secretary, will be registered, fingerprinted, screened, and considered for an interim “Lawful Prospective Immigrant†(LPI) status that allows them to work and to travel outside of the United States.” Considered? Just…considered?
19) “In phase 2, which will take place in eight years after current visa backlogs have cleared…” Eight. Years. Wait. Wait some more.
20) “To be eligible for initial registration for the legalization program and interim status as an LPI, each individual must 1) complete an application supplying basic biographic and biometric information 2) pass terrorism, criminal history, and other security checks 3) Pay all applicable fees, civil penalties, and taxes, and 4) have been continuously present in the United States since the date of enactment.” That’s just for registration. Not through the gate quite yet…
21) “After eight years, individuals who have been granted LPI status will be permitted to apply for adjustment of status to lawful permanent resident (LPR) provided that they can demonstrate that they meet the following criteria: 1) basic citizenship skills 2) English language skills 3) continuous residence in the U.S. 4) updated terrorism, criminal history, and other checks, 5) payment of all federal income taxes, fees, and civil penalties, and 6) registration for the Selective Service.” Don’t forget 7) Twitter skillz. Crucial effective integration into this country.
22) “In addition, the stand-alone registration programs provided by the DREAM Act and AgJobs legislation will also be included within this proposal.” YAY! Since DREAM is all marked up and ready, why don’t we just pass it now! Cool? Yes? Wait? Sigh…
