Brenda Flores from Asheville, NC shared her graduation story with us. Only two months away from graduation, Brenda faces uncertainty as North Carolina considers banning undocumented immigrants from public colleges and universities. Without any sort of relief, even having access to that education still shrouds millions of young peoples’ futures in doubt. If you would like to share your story with us too, please send it to the email provided at the end of the post. Here’s her story.
Graduating is an awesome word–something that everyone wants to do–but to do that you have to wait 4 years, which that’s exactly what I did to wait for that moment. It is in 2 months. I’ll be graduating then, so it is coming pretty soon, but the way I feel about is so much different than when I was a freshman.
I thought I was going to be excited about it, but it is not like that. A feeling that I never thought I was going to feel. It is really hard to explain, but to be honest, sometimes I feel like not graduating at all because I’m not ready to face the real world, it is not that I’m scared, it is just that I don’t know what to do with my life or who am I going to become. I think of that every day. Also, graduating for me means is the end of my education because I am undocumented.
Graduating is not exciting for me because I don’t want to leave high school life. But I know I can’t stay forever because I have to move on–but I can’t move on if I don’t know what else to do. I haven’t even applied for colleges or scholarships because I think I won’t get one because I’m undocumented and I’m not as smart as everyone thinks. If I could go back to the past, I would change everything about my life–what I’ve said right now is going to make people think I’m negative about things, but I’m not–it actually is just the way I feel. I feel like disappearing and not worry about anything.
I’m realizing that I’m growing up and nobody told me how I was going to feel. I remember my grandma telling me to work hard in school, so when you’re ready to take a career, you can be able to defend yourself and nobody can tell you that you are a loser. I used to say “I will grandma I’ll become a doctor someday so I can cure people and save them” but I was only a little girl. It was easy for me to say that but now is not anymore what it really is for me is just reality something I’m just realizing and I wish I could have known that when I was little, is hard to be alone as an undocumented and not knowing how to make a decision.
Graduation is making me realize so many things, I don’t know if is because I’m growing and that’s way I supposed to feel, but right now I’m lost and trying to find my way out. I’m the one who helps myself to get out of things but sometimes I need somebody to help me get through hard times with the only person I count on is God. He is my best friend. It’s hard to know that you’re not from here, that you belong to another country and that you can’t make your dreams come true–now that’s another thing stopping me from not moving on and I’m not just the only person who feels this way. I’m sure out there in the world there are people like me who haven’t decided what to do with their life, or maybe they have but they can’t because something is stopping them, like things are stopping me.
Graduation is just around the corner, and we’d like to hear what you’re thinking about. What are you going to do when you graduate? What does graduation mean to you? If you have graduated already, do you have a story you would like to share with us? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Reposted from ncdreamteam.org