Thanks to Martin for sharing his story and his thoughts on the complexity of the issues we deal with every day.

My history is very typical and familiar as far as I can describe up to this point, because being dubbed or personified by a general public as an “illegal” human being. What is definitive about my story and any other story is the realm of perspective in which you can sculpt your own personal struggles.

I am Martin Lopez. I am currently 20 years of age. I am undocumented in America…this is my story.

My mother brought me to The United States when I was 4 from Mexico in 1995. Of course at that age, what do you understand about man-made artificial borders, laws, and so-called countries? But now, configuring my life as a memory from a distant past, I realize that my mother was simply trying to escape a 3rd world country.

Mexico and many other countries around the world are a giant monopoly wormhole in a 3rd World State of being, owned by corrupted businesses. Lately through the help of capitalism and the growing demand of consumerism, I have seen a large transition of 3rd world countries conforming or transitioning to a “First-world” state of being…and even so the people are still exploited, a large number of sweatshops and contaminations are still being projected at an alarming rate. These countries are in debt by the handful of 1st world countries. Such circumstance forces cheap resources and labor to other powerful and sustained countries. It forces people of that country to lose financial stability…as privately owned corporations reduce income and rise poverty, social, and economic failure. As a result people migrate from poverty and monopoly based countries to try to simply maintain life and the act of “being” in America…while at the same time being rejected socially. There is no such thing as “prosperity” when you reach America, under what you’re about to be conditioned as…it’s just a means of taking things in stride.

I arrived to Georgia in 1995 with my mother, in the outskirts of Atlanta. We met up with my father and lived in some apartments with other “undocumented” workers. I was later enrolled into the public school system, I can’t recall learning English, but I can recall never struggling with the language.

At the age of about 10, I had a clear understanding of what it meant to be “illegal”. I understood a relative outcome of my future; I wasn’t too naive at that point in my life to feel as if I had a normal stance in America. My parents didn’t tell me, nobody sat me down and explained anything to me, it just became very obvious after years of observing the struggles of being an “illegal”…what the inevitable was for me. I remember taking standardized tests and being the only one who had no social security number. Then later on, being the only one who had no license, no car, etc. From each kind of rejection you develop a basis for what you’re not allowed to do.

Throughout my whole life I was in predominately black schools, I didn’t know many other students in my position. I always felt a little ostracized when it came to that realm of connection with other people about my issues.

Since the age of 12-14, I’ve always been doing manual labor, either with my dad or with other people. Every spring, summer, and winter vacation it’s always been work, I’ve never had a real “social life” as a youth. When I was 15 I began working in roofing construction, because of my limited options. During the summer you wake up at 4 in the morning, begin to work at 6 and leave the job site at around 8 or 9 at night…you get back home at around 10 at night. You have enough time to shower, eat, and sleep. It is extreme and punishing work, I can’t compare it to anything. It is testing your body’s chemistry to the point of frustration and pain. It’s a very lonesome lifestyle and I do have my mental breakdowns every now and then. It seems as if no matter how much money you can obtain, you can never use it as a benefit. That story still continues till this day.

“I’m like a racehorse. They take the racehorse out and they run it around the track, and then the racehorse is done for the day…and they throw it back in this little box.” – Henry Rollins

I graduated at 17 in 2009 from high school. I attempted to study biology at a community college, because I really admired the subject matter, it was and still is a very interesting concept. At the time (2010 ) things were getting tense with THE DREAM ACT. I was very hopeful that The Dream Act would prevail. Unfortunately, that morning on the 18th I was expecting a close run, but the horrible news overthrew everything. I knew we had a good chance, but it had to be a miracle if we somehow made it to 60, considering the phone calls I made to those who opposed and hearing the live vote. As the debate ended and I only saw 55 votes, I turned to “Univision” and Jorge Ramos (the anchor) was interviewing several “dreamers” live. I can’t recall their names, but one in particular was undocumented and had been
following the debate, he was sitting next to Jorge. Jorge told the young man to give his final thoughts. As he spoke, he looked into the camera and he made his farewell statement to everyone who supported The Dream Act. As he finished and stared at viewers facing the camera, he paused for a brief moment holding back the need to cry and it was at that point that I knew someone felt my frustration.

But quite honestly throughout the years, I have realized that the Arms Act and the Dream Act, are both somewhat obsolete. They don’t necessarily fix the problem with immigration as a whole for generations to come; they both enact a very narrow minded process to “legalize” people who were raised here without their consent. These officials are going to do whatever they can to profit on exploited and suppressed people, whether that’s through the institution of the military in which one is an investment to war and it’s oppression on innocent people of 3rd world countries… on behalf of people who treat us like scum or through the institution of “education” in which these businesses willingly bribe on us (shame on these universities cartels). These public officials and people who support them will never have to go through any of this; it’s easy for them to criticize and to mandate such segregation.

But People only fight for what is convenient to them, not for what is right or wrong as a whole and it’s a smart tactic to use identified personas and names to segregate people into only managing themselves as a “group”, and not really taking into consideration for what is right or wrong as a whole with every person as a “human”. Certain groups of people get what they want; they want to become isolated, individualized, and registered etc. from so called “intruders” who want the same opportunities. There are 3 so called “worlds” why can’t there only be one? When in fact there only is one world…it’s insane how nationalism, patriotism, etc. limits us as people.

I gave up all hope on political judgment; I was disgusted by the political propaganda that is democracy…and the theater and illusion that is politics. They were actually playing and voting with people’s futures, as if they would ever have to go through anything like that. Its degrading sitting and watching another human creating artificial barriers for you to swallow.

After that episode and about a year and a half of college, I decided to retire myself from school. My mother was very disappointed in me, as I am with how things are going with my life as well. I’ve never agreed with the educational system, it glorifies a maniacal view on life. Throughout my years of school, I have realized that they breed
functioning malicious and ignorant concepts…for example in high-school I remember getting into arguments about how immigration was personified in textbooks and by teachers. And in college, professors would also categorize people like me, as if I had no value. It’s almost disgusting how school books can take human beings and categorize them in such a stereotypical way, that American’s are conditioned into viewing other people in certain circumstances as “low” or “incompetent” human beings.

As far as education is concerned, as a minority it seems to be the only way out, but the whole ordeal to me has become very immoral and irrational. Essentially when enrolling into the university system, its all based upon money. People spend and sacrifice so much on academia and on the priest hood of obtaining a degree. It’s not based upon a strive for positive social evolution. If that were the case, it would be free for everyone, of every race, background etc. to have the opportunity to strive together for a positive motive. Instead, it’s all based upon molesting people into the idea that without a degree in a field of work, you will forever be uneducated and impoverished. It becomes the positive illusion to absolute madness in a monetary society.

And people who can’t afford a 50-80 thousand-dollar education (or higher)…are forced to go into the work force. Every day I am more and more irritated by how that process is forced without acknowledging a little bit more. I analyze my job and every other forms of “labor for income” and ask myself “what point does this occupation serve as far as evolution, nature, and the mere fact that I have been birthed from this planet is concerned? What is the significance to this kind of starvation?

A very common rebuttal that I always hear from undocumented students and people is how they think of themselves as Americans. I know it’s the right thing to say, but I don’t want to dumb the little dignity that I deserve down to patriotism. I’ve never thought of myself as an American, or of any other country…not as a means of disrespect, but as a means of understanding that a country does not represent a self-portrait of my personal struggles. Conforming myself to the segregation and hatred that countries seem to imply is not what I want.

When you’re conditioned into viewing yourself as an “illegal” you develop a very melancholic mindset. I hear stories of other young people like myself, trapped in a helpless scene. A scene where one so confused, ostracized, physically, and physiologically exhausted. A scene of suppression, amputation, and molestation.

Things that a normal obeying citizen will not contradict or bother to question on a mass scale will start to haunt you. You being to understand that it’s wrong to have so much restrictions and identifications for human beings. You begin to realize that the laws, buildings, monuments, Gods, fake economies, wars, jobs, guns, violence, money, restrictions, and prisons represent a horrible wet dream, a complete chaotic illusion that represents “normality”.

Everything seems to be a fixed and planned propaganda. All of these issues seem almost orchestrated, because without problems in society you won’t have much prosperity and jobs. I imagine if suddenly no one were “illegal”, there would be little use for immigration officers, judges, lawyers, officials, congressmen, senators, gun manufactures, resources, etc. Immigration is a business, just like every other social problem. It will never be fixed in a positive way. The goal of any law is to incarcerate, fine, and create jobs for the LAW.

Immigrants are the perfect excuse for a new form of slavery. These laws, genocide moralistic beliefs, and practices have actually maneuvered a way in which people can be suppressed in their country and then have the need to travel “illegally” to a neighboring 1st world country for prosperity. Having them in a 1st world country, working for little money in hard labor, and exploiting them is a godsend…but at the same time seemingly finding ways in order to
prevent such an occurrence is the smart tactic to that oppression. I can’t believe how blind people really are. America became the wealthiest and most powerful country because of slavery, cheap labor, genocide, segregation, etc…this is not any different, it’s just more modern and user friendly.

Right now in my life, I am very depressed, tired, and annoyed. I spend my time either working or in complete isolation. I’m tired of being and feeling like a slave to rich gurus. I’m tired of being trapped in this physical and mental ponzi scheme. I’m tired of being a physical tool for labor. A future for me seems to be getting worse. Everything is so hard and impossible to obtain. Whether it’s a car, home, identification, or some type of license, all of these barriers seem to put you back to your place of frustration. I feel like I will never progress, in order to be independent enough to make it on my own. I’ve always felt stuck.

But even with all of the negativity that life seems to convey, there is one profound understand that I have discovered about this experience…and that understanding – is that life is completely meaningless. It sounds very abstract, romantic, and obsolete, but the reality to me is that everything that is manifested in life, whether it is “good” or “bad” has no real definite meaning. Everything in life is “neutral”; I give life meaning by projecting emotional sensations and attributes that may define “reality” to me and what I perceive as “right” or “wrong”. But when you have a “right” and a “wrong”…there is no “right” there is only pleasure and pain. And when it comes to depression and sadness in general (which we will all encounter) the best thing to do is not to discourage that emotional honesty and feeling…the best thing to do is to allow yourself to feel that pain and to let it flow through your existence. The only real “goal” in life is to just be yourself…it’s not to change anything, it’s not to succeed, it’s not to win or lose…it is to just be “you” for a little while.

I personally think that no matter the period of time, (paraphrasing society throughout history) – You always have a group of people who live good, live free, represent opportunity, “freedom and justice for all”. You have your free, liberated, and “soulful” sociopaths who will always defend the “Laws, scriptures, prayers, and morals of the land”, they are the self-appointed guardians of the status quo…they can flourish, prosper in opportunity, have a beautiful home on the upper-side of town, have laborers, get educated, become doctors, drive cars, fly, travel the world, live life freely, contemplate, marry the beautiful banal creatures of the human race, murder, abuse and be admired winners. And as far as they are concerned the laws and commandments represent them personally. And then you have another group who is unfortunate, defenseless, incompetent, and not of the norm…the laws and commandments will never be a “self-portraiture” of their personal struggles. So they will be exiled, punished, and treated like trash…it’s always the same story. And once you are ostracized and society has divorced itself from you, you exist in another person’s self-orchestrated rages of purgatories. Like Timothy “speed” Levitch said – he said “we are a dream figure in another person’s dream” essentially living the “wet dream” that a banker, stock broker, preacher, priest, dictator, murderer had years ago that has led to the psychotic morals and ideas of civilization. Everybody is divided and conquered.

To me failure is a natural median. It’s not even important to be remembered by anybody…the need to succeed and to be profound in every way. I’m completely annoyed and tired with expectations and the pursuit of masturbating and sculpting “happiness” into some type of idiotic romantic comfort. My goal is not to be happy or to glorify an American dream; I just want to let go.

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