My name is Helen Yu and I was brought here at the age of 11, and had no clue about my status until the end of high school (my family overstayed our tourist visa).  Everyone was filling out their college applications in high school, like I was, but everyone except me was filling in their income information and filing for FAFSA.  Every time my friends talked about it, I just stood by listening, silent, as if I had also filed, hoping they would not ask me.  Deep inside, I felt alone and embarrassed.

The place I was born (Belize) is very vivid in my memories.  However, it is not a place I would call home, as these memories are not positive ones.  My parents brought my little brother and I to the U.S. for two reasons.  First, it would provide us with a better education.  Second, we came due to my brother’s chronic asthma (which I tend to prioritize out of the two).  They were not thinking of making a better living for themselves, or of freedom, or of making more money.  They were thinking of the betterment of their children.  They sacrificed their health and business to come.  I recalled being so happy at the airport, leaving for New York, imagining a new life- because that country haunts me.

When I was younger, I was sexually harassed.  To this day, my parents do not know of this as I don’t want to worry them.  I couldn’t think of what to do but just bury the embarrassment far inside of me.  Belize is known as a tourist attraction, but not to me.  It is a poor country with a very high crime rate and poor security.  My parents owned grocery stores and we encountered robbery plenty of times.  I can clearly remember the guns pointing to my father’s head.  It was so shocking for me to witness something like that.  I would not be able to sleep for the night. I don’t ever want to go back, remember pas events, or have to worry if my parents will be dead one day as they try to struggle with thieves.  I don’t ever want to go back.

My home is the U.S.A.  I live, eat, and breathe the same as every American citizen.  We’ve become so americanized we started to neglect our parents, and found them very old-fashioned.  Thinking back makes me feel so horrible.  I remember when I first started school and everyone was wearing brand-name clothing, while I looked terrible. I was envious and I wanted to be just like them, blaming my parents for not giving us what everyone else had.  It has truly changed my brother and I.  My parents own their own business, have to work every day, struggle to make money, and try to earn a living, even as they talk to lawyer after lawyer to help us gain permanent residency.  Every year they age, and it saddens me that the once strong and young-looking parents I knew are now old and fragile.

I am now in college studying aviation management and will be earning my BS in 2011.  But will I be able to find a job?  Find a sponsor? When can I make money and have my parents retire?  These questions are always bothering me and I hope that one day we will all live in peace.

The immigration system is very broken and is quite evil. Should that one piece of paper that identifies us as citizens really separate us from the fact that we are all human beings? Were we not born as brothers and sisters in the first place?

The world scares me- but enough is enough, so I will continue to live.