A few weeks ago, I delved into the world of anti-immigrant lunacy by imagining how we would write about the DREAM Act if we were nativists seeking to use whatever argument is necessary to prevent the United States’ proud legacy of immigration to continue. In doing so, I overlooked two little known, yet highly delusional arguments that you might run across if you look closely at the spokespeople for the anti-immigrant social and political movement.

First up is Congressman Mark S. Kirk of Illinois’ 10th District, who recently met with some Dreamers during Citizenship Day. This is the story, courtesy of ICIRR:

During our meeting Congressman Kirk stopped to speak with us for a few minutes on his way to another meeting, at which point some of the Korean youth asked him if he would support the DREAM Act. Congressman Kirk’s response was jovial and yet candid, as if he were letting us in on a secret: “My sister is Korean, you know, so…I support open borders for Korea only- not other countries.” He laughed and continued, “I guess you could say I have a favoritist [immigration] policy.” Upon further pressing whether he would seriously consider immigration reform, he refused to answer.

Good one, Kirk. That one is sure going to help your already struggling campaign for Senate. While you avoided saying anything remotely good about Mexicans, your primary voters will not be too happy about your love for those Koreans. And the general electorate will want a more honest answer on immigration for someone seeking to serve the state of Illinois next to Dick Durbin. Good job KRCC and everyone at Citizenship Day for keeping the pressure on! It’s good to see that our communities are united in this fight.

Next up is Britt Craig, who serves as the spokesperson for the Campo Minutemen, one of the many organizations that desecrate the revolutionary spirit of the 1770s with their lawn-chair vigilantism at the border. This is what Craig told the Sacramento State Hornet:

Britt Craig, spokesperson and volunteer, said, “We want these kids to have education to work, but they have a moral obligation to turn their parents in at 18, then sponsor them to bring them back. Then we can worry about the DREAM Act.”

So there you have it, dreamers. There actually IS a way to gain support from these people. Just make sure you follow this dude’s moral code, grab a hold of mom and dad soon,and then we can begin that discussion. Britt Craig summons you: don’t just dream, betray family. I might have referred to this type of lunacy at unresolved oedipal complex, but at least Oedipus loved his mother. Damn!

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